For Your Health, May I Present: Kundalini Yoga

I never thought I would really be able to "get into" yoga. I wanted to get on a machine and see the calculation of all the calories I had burned. I wanted to "get it out of my system." I wanted to watch a half an hour of a soap opera, because I can't work out to the news!

Enter Kundalini Yoga.

You rub your palms together and still them at your chest (heart center).
You do most of the exercises free from competition: with your eyes CLOSED.
You do Breathe of Fire.
You pant like a puppy.
You get in strange positions guaranteed to rid yourself of, er, "toxins."
You chant "sut" on the inhale and "nam" on the exhale ("the truth is my identity").
And end with a song:

May the longtime sun shine upon you
All love surround you
And the pure light within you
Guide your way on

Oh, and the best part, free chai tea for all!