Being Me

I grew up not just in a small town. The welcoming sign actually said "The village of." I went through all my school years with the same people. When there were budget cuts, theater was the first thing to go. A few years ago, they actually demolished the stage. Don't get me started.

My parents, whom I love, were teachers. I had my mother for eighth grade English. Being a teacher's daughter, and the first born, I was little miss perfectionist. I stayed in the lines when coloring, etc., etc. It wasn't a place where one was encouraged to embrace one's quirks.

When I went away to college, I was so excited to figure out who I was, outside of my little town. To walk around, and not have everyone know me and everything about me. To not be the big fish. And then I found the stage, and I went back to being in the spotlight again.

I like the me I turned out to be. It was a struggle. But I've had some good times. Auditions are always brutal. But I like acting and being another character other than myself. Someone more shy, more bold, more lucky, more unlucky.

I think my confidence level has always been a roller coaster throughout my life, depending on who I'm surrounded by, and how comfortable I feel. And I recently had pointed out by my acting teacher that where I shrink back today is in the agent interview we were practicing in class. I attempted to answer the questions as perfectly as I could, smiling politely. And the next class, she was giving us feedback, and she said, "I'm sorry, but I completely forgot our interview. You are very lovely and interesting but you were not interesting in this exercise at all. You have got to stop acting like the little librarian." Of course, she was right. And I don't always do it. But sometimes I am so scared of saying the wrong thing that I don't say much at all. You try answering the question, "So, tell me about yourself"!

I am so much more than the girl from the Midwest who wanted to be an actress.