An irreverent child

And the answering machine spoke:

Hi, Aunt Shelley. I'm eating pizza and I love you and I don't care and you're not home.

Even if I suspect, I still don't want to know for sure

I stopped watching the weather
because I wished for more surprise
But I have a sneaking suspicion
it's only going to get colder

how does your garden

In England, you may walk in a flower garden and encounter bees.

In New York, you'll most likely encounter mice.

ah, me.

SUT-MAN!

Here he is. The little prince. Sutton Matthew Schroeder. A very sweet little boy.

Tackling the day: Begin with water, end with ice cream

glass of water
2 whole wheat waffles with butter
2 cups of decaf chai with milk
granola bar
vegetable barley soup
glass of water
apple
cup of coffee with milk
Doritos
grilled cheese and tomato
spaghettios
iced tea
bit of p-o-p
soy chocolate ice cream

(I don't count calories; I count the hours until I see you again)

Quote This, Productivity!

I turned my "to-do" list into my "ta-da!" list.

(or something like that...)

Lisa LaPorta

How slippery is the energy of youth?
If I can sit through a three-hour
Tolstoy play on a Friday night -
Or haul myself to brunch on a Sunday morning -
Am I okay?

Should I worry if I find myself
Watching a tiny spider make its way
Across the ceiling (and back again)
And then personify the little guy
As if he were a compatriot?

If I am wise enough to ask the question
Then I am wise enough to know the answer
It isn't over
Until the fat lady sings.

Thanks, Hollywood

You don't want to be in love
You want to be in love in a movie

For Your Health, May I Present: Kundalini Yoga

I never thought I would really be able to "get into" yoga. I wanted to get on a machine and see the calculation of all the calories I had burned. I wanted to "get it out of my system." I wanted to watch a half an hour of a soap opera, because I can't work out to the news!

Enter Kundalini Yoga.

You rub your palms together and still them at your chest (heart center).
You do most of the exercises free from competition: with your eyes CLOSED.
You do Breathe of Fire.
You pant like a puppy.
You get in strange positions guaranteed to rid yourself of, er, "toxins."
You chant "sut" on the inhale and "nam" on the exhale ("the truth is my identity").
And end with a song:

May the longtime sun shine upon you
All love surround you
And the pure light within you
Guide your way on

Oh, and the best part, free chai tea for all!

Please send cookies

I don't make cookies. I don't make Rice Krispie "treats." I don't make brownies. If I ever have a craving for such a sweet, I will go to the store and buy one serving. It's so cold. It's so New York.

I am not my mother. But, you know what? She makes my father damned happy.

My dear friend, who was also the secretary of our middle school, used to mail me homemade cookies in college. Sometimes my lovely neighbor bakes and leaves me a bag of goodies on my door hook. And today, my coworker offered me cookies. He is fresh from Minnesota, and HIS MOTHER sends him cookies, which he always brings to work. Can you imagine?

Like a casting director pleading silently to an actor, I look at my morning oatmeal and pray: Make me want you!!!

The New York Church Choir

Mashpee, MA
Summer 2007

I'm singing while waiting for the bathroom at brunch. I'm on vacation and I'm happy! The man behind me tells me that he hopes I'm in the church choir with that voice.

But here's the thing: Not just anybody can be in a church choir in New York City. New York City is filled with professional singers - Broadway stars, mind you - and, yes, some of them actually attend church.

I'm a small fish, buddy. I'm a small fish!

My fish died.

And there's nothing at all interesting in my in-box.

And it's nearly time for wardrobe changeover again.

And I don't feel like purging.

And you can't beat me -

So you might as well join me.

You suspect God has deserted you
Because you live in a three-story walk-up

But I say he knew you would enjoy the view
From every balcony along the way

When I say don't die

(I mean don't move to L.A.)
You were here again
And then gone
You visited me in a dream
And we laughed and danced
And fell back on your green velvet fainting couch
We drank vodka on ice
Because it has less carbs
I miss you, I love you
Stay

Missing George

So I get a message last night on my cell from my gf that lives in the nabe. I was still in Manhattan, and she was calling to tell me that George Clooney was filming in our nabe!!! Now he isn't on my "list," but I'm sure my heart would still go thump, thump, so naturally, once in Brooklyn, I made my way down the street she told me they were at ... only to find techies loading up their cameras into their big trailers. Rats! I thought. Oh, no, don't think that word, I corrected myself.

Tonight as I made my way home again, I didn't see him. And I didn't walk down the same street even. But I thought, as I carried my recently purchased roach traps in my shopping bag, I live on a movie set! This neighborhood is breathtaking. Yes, it's old, yes there are leaks, but it just makes up for it. Cloon-ey! Cloon-ey! CLOONEY! Come back!